Dear Women...

I know it is too much to ask of you to not be totally batshit crazy.  But can you all at least try to tone it down just a grunt?

And while I am asking for impossible favors let me go for the golden ring and ask for one that will not only make our lives as men better but will also alleviate a shit ton of stress in your own lives.  Ready?

Take us for who we are.  Period.  Dot.  End of discussion.  If you meet someone and say "Hey!  This dude stimulates me visually, makes my loins quiver and is an all around good dude." then that should be it.  We, as men, are not raw material for you to build the "perfect" man.  We are who we are and no matter how much you bitch we ain't changing.

If we like to drink beer and watch football when you met us then we will continue to drink beer and like football.  If we like to hunt and fish when you met us then guess what?  We will continue to like to hunt and fish afterward.  Contrary to popular belief we aren't all sitting around waiting on you to rescue us from our boring and depressing lives filled with doing whatever we want whenever we want with whoever we want.  Shocker I know.

"Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful princess, Will you
marry me? The Princess said, NO!
And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles
and fucked skinny big titted broads and hunted and fished and raced cars and went to nudie
bars and dated women half his age and drank whiskey, beer and Captain
Morgan and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony
and ate pussies and fucked cheerleaders and kept his house and guns and
never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family
thought he was fuckin cool as hell and had tons of money in the bank and
left the toilet seat up ….. The end"

So do yourself and us a favor.  Relax.  Unclench.  If the dude you are with doesn't cut your idea of the mustard then do yourself and him a favor and get the fuck out.  It will save you both a shit load of heartache and hassle.  But my real advice is to stop guaging your man and your relationship by the lies your "girlfriends" are telling you about how "perfect" their man is and how fucked up yours is because he doesn't want to spend his Saturday during football/hunting season holding your purse at the fuckin' TJ Maxx instead of pounding beers, killing critter and watching football.  Those gals are full of shit and have metrosexual pussies for boyfriends who probably spend more on gel and Axe body spray than they do on bullets and beef jerky (run on sentence THAT fuckers).  Do you really want to date and/or be married to that faggot?  Didn't think so.

And in parting, you men don't think you are totally without fault here.  You have to shut this "change" shit down from the get go.  If you let it get out of control and start giving in then you have no one to blame but yourself.

Now go away and FOALMA!