Dr. SKA is all a twitter these days.

Follow along here if you are so bored with your own life you wish to see what is happening in mine.

I am an Island...

It is becoming glaringly obvious I am alone in this venture.  No new post since March does not a blog make.

Have no fear...

I will take the reigns and get this horse back on track within the week.

Why I Dig Pregnant Chicks...

If you are a friend and a confidant of the good doctor then it is no secret that I have a thing for women who are in the motherly way.  To be blunt, they make my daddy parts tingle.  Now not all pregnant chicks fall into this category.  But for the most part a 7.5/10 vaginal support system will only increase in points on the boner meter after she becomes with child.  It's a fact.  "But Dr. SKA, what is it about walkin' baby ovens that turns you on?"  Glad you asked...

Here are my top 5 reasons why I dig pregnant chicks...

Number one:  Them Big Ass Titties.

I know.  I know.  I hit you with what you would assume would be the best feature, normally saved for last, right out of the gate.  And I did.  But lets face it.  If given the choice we would all rather eat dessert first.  What happens to a woman's boobies during that baby baking period is nothing short of spectacular.  Sure, non lactating mammaries are fun too.  But when form turns to function these things take on a totally different perspective.  Which would you rather ride?  This...

Or this sumbitch right here...

That's what I thought.  Not even a contest.  Oh don't get me wrong.  A ride is a ride.  But a choice is even better.

I could stop here.  But I won't.  Hey Selma!  Whassup Gurl?!  Mercy.

Number Two:  Pregnant chicks put out.  Period.  Dot.  End of story.  How do I know?  Hey.  They're pregnant.  Which means Ah-Toe-Maticly they are DTF.  Winner?  Damn right.

Number Three:  Second trimester increase in libido.  It really is like trying to pull a tooth on a tiger.  I can remember when the former Mrs. Stud Kick Ass was with child.  By they time we got to the delivery day Mr. Johnson had a callous on him.  No good pictures to back up this claim so here's another picture of a hot pregnant chick...

Number Four:  You cannot knock a pregnant chick up.  If I have to explain the merits of this to you then you need to go slam your head in a car door.

And Number Five:  You get to hit it from the back.  A lot.

Lets face it.  This is just physics here.  That belly will only allow you to do so much so you gotta flip 'em over.  This is a good thing on several levels.  Most importantly; you get to hit if from the back.  Them big ol' pregnant butts up in the air are a sight to behold.  But also it allows both of you to continue to watch t.v. without missing anything important.  Gives you a place to rest your beer and sandwich too.  Win win really.

So there you have it.  I hope this answers any questions you may have about why knocked up gals are hot.  Only problem is most of 'em are married and them that ain't really aren't lookin' for relationships.  Be they permanent or temporary.  So taking down one of these trophies is like bagging a Unicorn.  I'll leave you with one final thing.  A video of a with child asian chick banging out pull ups 8 months in.  I have made more knuckle babies to this video than a beach has sand.  Enjoy...

ASK THE 4 ASSHOLES

Gentleman,
I have an issue I hope you fellows could give me some strong, truthful advise on. 


I am a woman who enjoys going out with friends.  The problem is once I start drinking , I become very..ummmm....promiscuous.  I feel that it is all in fun.  I'm single, attractive and just having fun.  My friends, however, tell me that I am acting like a slut and they are embarrassed of me.  Should I change to make my friends happy or should I continue to do what I enjoy doing? Thoughts?


Sincerely,
Just having fun

First off, I don't know how long this question has been lingering, I been busy with important shit in my life. You know, wife, kids, bills, a job, etc....Hell, you could have AIDS by now. Secondly, it's never the AIDS that gets you, it's usually the pneumonia. 

To give you your desired "strong, truthful adviSe": Learn how to spell!  These gottdamn computers have spell check.  Of course you were probably drunk during your e-mailing escapades which also means you smelled like a cum dumpster. 

Basically in a NUTshell, you are a drunk whore.  Now, some may enjoy this type? But don't expect to be invited to Mama's house for chicken and dumplings on Sunday afternoon.  Why? Because women can spot a dirty whore. 

If it is to the point that your friends are saying things to you, then you should take heed.  I know, I know, I'm just some mid-30's asshole who knows nothing about partying or having fun.  Wrong! I've drank more alcohol in 2012 than you have swallowed a strangers DNA.  And from the sounds of it that makes me raging alcoholic. 


Yeah, while at the club or the bar or wherever dumb bitches with dumb questions go, there are guys who will buy you drinks and Teach You How to Dougie all night because they know that the promise of road noggin' is one bar tab away.  But also know that before you can wash the stench of a strangers seed off of you they have told a friend who will in turn be buying you drinks and Cupid Shufflin' your panties off the next time. 

Is it harmless? I don't know.  Are you a skank bitch?  Probably.  Do you have gonnorrhea? Lil' Wayne says "yep"


My ADVICE, stay at home this weekend, relax and when you get lonely or feel the need to drink yourself into whorville..........GFY!


P.S. If you ever do, sucker some poor, testosterone lacking, idiot into marriage, don't be a drunk wife! You'll fuck his laundry and dinner up!            GFY, again!

Editors Note: I purposely highlighted the first comment because that shit is a Public Service Announcement

Are You a Terrorist?

"Of course not" you say.  Really?  Might want to think again.

Recently our beloved Attorney General, Eric Holder, justified the killing of U.S. citizens, he deemed to be a threat to the U.S., without due process.  You can read about it here.  In that article this shit stick Holder is defending the killing of American-born al-Qaida operative Anwar al-Awlaki five months ago in Yemen.  "BFD" you may say.  Any dead terrorist is a good terrorist and one less rock throwing, wiping his ass with his hand baby killer can't be bad.  Agreed.  This Anwar fucker was a genuine douche bag of the highest order and the world is better off without him in it.  Right now I really hope Hitler is fucking him in the ass with a pineapple.

But here is the bigger picture.  This cat was an American.  Period.  And as an American he is/was entitled to due process.  Instead he received a missile gram from Mongo.  Again, "so the fuck what" you say?  I'll tell yo so the fuck what.  The devil is always in the details and here the details the devil is playing in lie in the definition of a "terrorist" and who the fuck gets to decide what and who that is.  ESPECIALLY when we are talking about U.S. Citizens.

"Few things are as dangerous to American liberty as the proposition that the government should be able to kill citizens anywhere in the world on the basis of legal standards and evidence that are never submitted to a court, either before or after the fact," Shamsi said. "Anyone willing to trust President Obama with the power to secretly declare an American citizen an enemy of the state and order his extrajudicial killing should ask whether they would be willing to trust the next president with that dangerous power."

 See where this can get tricky?  "But DrSKA, he's only talking about the REALLY bad dudes what do bad things over there.  Right?"  Is he?  Let's ask FBI director Robert Mueller what he thinks about it.

Pressed by House lawmakers about a recent speech in which Holder described the legal justification for assassination, Mueller, who was attending a hearing on his agency's budget, did not say without qualification that the three criteria could not be applied inside the U.S.  "I have to go back. Uh, I'm not certain whether that was addressed or not," Mueller said when asked by Rep. Tom Graves, R-Ga., about a distinction between domestic and foreign targeting

Da FUCK!?  Not sure?  Might want to look into that Mr. Mueller.  "Yeah, but 'they' are only talking bout the the REALLY bad people inside the U.S.  Not just regular folks like you and me.  Right?"  Yeah.  You just keep thinking that.  Seems that the Department of Homeland Security, led by the HDIC (Head Dyke in Charge) Janet Napolitano, has been real busy making list and shit of who all should be watched and labeled as "domestic extremist".

They cover: Jewish extremists, animal rights extremists, Christian identity extremists, black separatism extremists, anti-abortion extremists, anti-immigration extremists, anti-technology extremists, Cuban independence extremists and tax resistance extremists, to name a few.

"According to the document, for example, tax resistance extremists are people who "vehemently believe taxes violate their constitutional rights ... Members (of this group) have been known to advocate or engage in criminal activity and plot acts of violence and terrorism in an attempt to advance their extremist goals."

The top of the document also defines "alternative media" as something sinister -- though the term is commonly used to describe blogs and popular publications like New York's Village Voice.

"Alternative media" is "a term used to describe various information sources that provide a forum for interpretations of events and issues that differ radically from those presented in mass media products and outlets," the report says."

So does everybody see where we're going with this shit?  Now we are saying that people who are proponents of tax reform and use the internet are "extremist" and "terrorist" and according to "they" it is okay for the government to just fucking kill you to death because of it.  These people are going as far as saying our returning veterans are ripe for terrorist recruitment.  SERIOUSLY!  Read the damn article!  Google it fuckers!

"Aw, c'mon now Dr. SKA.  You're just being paranoid.  That would never happen here."  Really D-bags?  REALLY?

First they came for the communists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a communist.

Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Jew.

Then they came for me
and there was no one left to speak out for me.

Pastor Martin Niemöller

He never thought it would happen to him either.  Hitler that bitches.

And don't for a minute think that it is just the feds you have to worry about either.  Seems DHS is spreading the love around to the local level as well.

In the 62 cases reviewed, the subjects increasingly spoke out against the government, blamed the government for perceived problems and did so in a way that caught the attention of other people in their communities, according to the senior counterterrorism official who spoke on condition of anonymity to discuss the private White House event. Subjects became active on the Internet to espouse extremist views. And in some cases, the subjects purchased weapons, ammunition or explosive materials.

My my but don't we paint with a big ol' broad brush.  So take heed my friends.  Think this shit doesn't apply to you?  Better think again.  Remember.  A thousand people let ten Nazi guards march them into the "showers" because they didn't think it applied to them either.

Dear Women (Part 2)

I was asked to add an adendum or two to my previous post by some readers so here goes.

#1)  Don't do anything prior to getting hitched you aren't willing to continue after getting hitched.  That includes laundry, cooking, cleaning and blow jobs.  Men, this shit goes for you too.  Don't be all romantic and shit while you are dating then turn into Dick the Wonder Asshole after you have the poon locked down.

#2)  And to the dudes again.  I know what it is like to get a woman's cummer button stuck and then have 'em where you want 'em.  Doesn't give you permission to be a douche bag just because you took her places she's never been.  Be a man but be nice.  She will eventually realize she can get her own button stuck or show some other dude how to do it and you'll be back to bangin' Rosey and her 5 sisters.

Now FOALMA.

All of ya.

Dear Women...

I know it is too much to ask of you to not be totally batshit crazy.  But can you all at least try to tone it down just a grunt?

And while I am asking for impossible favors let me go for the golden ring and ask for one that will not only make our lives as men better but will also alleviate a shit ton of stress in your own lives.  Ready?

Take us for who we are.  Period.  Dot.  End of discussion.  If you meet someone and say "Hey!  This dude stimulates me visually, makes my loins quiver and is an all around good dude." then that should be it.  We, as men, are not raw material for you to build the "perfect" man.  We are who we are and no matter how much you bitch we ain't changing.

If we like to drink beer and watch football when you met us then we will continue to drink beer and like football.  If we like to hunt and fish when you met us then guess what?  We will continue to like to hunt and fish afterward.  Contrary to popular belief we aren't all sitting around waiting on you to rescue us from our boring and depressing lives filled with doing whatever we want whenever we want with whoever we want.  Shocker I know.

"Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful princess, Will you
marry me? The Princess said, NO!
And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles
and fucked skinny big titted broads and hunted and fished and raced cars and went to nudie
bars and dated women half his age and drank whiskey, beer and Captain
Morgan and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony
and ate pussies and fucked cheerleaders and kept his house and guns and
never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family
thought he was fuckin cool as hell and had tons of money in the bank and
left the toilet seat up ….. The end"

So do yourself and us a favor.  Relax.  Unclench.  If the dude you are with doesn't cut your idea of the mustard then do yourself and him a favor and get the fuck out.  It will save you both a shit load of heartache and hassle.  But my real advice is to stop guaging your man and your relationship by the lies your "girlfriends" are telling you about how "perfect" their man is and how fucked up yours is because he doesn't want to spend his Saturday during football/hunting season holding your purse at the fuckin' TJ Maxx instead of pounding beers, killing critter and watching football.  Those gals are full of shit and have metrosexual pussies for boyfriends who probably spend more on gel and Axe body spray than they do on bullets and beef jerky (run on sentence THAT fuckers).  Do you really want to date and/or be married to that faggot?  Didn't think so.

And in parting, you men don't think you are totally without fault here.  You have to shut this "change" shit down from the get go.  If you let it get out of control and start giving in then you have no one to blame but yourself.

Now go away and FOALMA!

ASK THE 4 ASSHOLES

Here's our first question received:

Dear Assholes,
I have a girlfriend who I have been dating for 6 months.  We became fairly serious, fairly quick.  The past month she has changed her attitude and well.....acts like a complete bitch around my friends. She wants me to be around her friends but is stand-offish around mine.  Furthermore we used to have a lot of sex and in the past 30 days we have had NONE!  Advice? 

Thanks for the question.  First off, relationship advice is right up our alley.  Except Thundercock, don't listen to a fuckin' thing he says. 

6 months? That's not that long.  If she acts this way now imagine how she will be in 2 years, 5 years, etc....  Here's the best advice I can give you:

Set up a date night, somewhere nice.  Have a good meal, some drinks and entertaining conversation.  Say nothing about the relationship.  Simply talk to her about her day, her job, her friends (you get the picture, shit you really don't care about).  As you are paying the bill, tell her what a wonderful night you had.  As you get up from the table and walk to the parking lot, ask her where is she going.  Her response should be "with you."  Your response should be "GFY!"  Make that bitch call a friend and leave her ass there. 

Ya'll had sex for 5 months? Now none? She's having sex with someone, it's just not you!  What would Jesco White do in this situation?  I know....

   That's my advice, I will defer to the other assholes for more.  Gentleman, have at it........

10 RULES OF DATING MY DAUGHTER

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk your horn you'd better be in a UPS truck delivering a package, because you're sure as hell not picking anything up from my house.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will call my friends and we will remove them.....mid-evil style

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered cool for boys of your age to wear their pants so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. You and all of your friends are complete fucktards. Still, I want to be fair and open minded clear about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your pants along with your teenage penis securely in place to your waist.

Dumb ass

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate for you fuckstick......when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will fuckin' kill you.

 

 Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and there are only two words I need from you on this subject: early and safe.

 

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular lil' ass clown, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. I'll fuckin' kill you.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget pr text her and ask her how long she will be. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting The Statue of Liberty with you tiny penis. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car and cut my grass?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws, hockey masks and demons are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance and 4.3 seconds to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, plenty of pipe-wielding, whiskey drankin', dieseled up friends and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
I will erase your existence from the earth.

 Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a prowler creeping around in my yard. When I get nervous, the voices in my head tell me to clean ALL my guns.  As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Answer any questions asked, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside or stand on the porch. The camouflaged face at the window is mine

GFY!

 

How Free Do We Really Want to Be?

Seem like a stupid question?  Well then you best check again knee grow.

Ask anyone walking down the street, in your office or even in your house if they truly want to be free and you most likely will receive the same answer.  "Hell yeah!" they may even say.  Now ask them what they are willing to give up for that freedom and you will get a unique list from each individual.  Unique in so far as none of the infringements on our cival liberties they want to see go will affect them.  Confused?  Hang tight and Dr. SKA will explain.

Right now it is cool and popular to bash the shit out of the President, congress and politicians as a whole.  We scream kick and cry that they are spending too much money and putting us, our kids and our grand kids in the poor house.  And they are.  We are bankrupt.  No ifs, ands or buts about it.  It is simple math people and no matter how good somebody looks in a suit they cannot change the laws of math.  1 billion take away two billion will leave you with a negative number every damn time.

So what is the solution to our financial crisis?  We have two choices.  A) bring in more revenue or B) cut spending.  Simple enough right.  If you are broke then you either need to make more or spend less or both.  For the sake of this discussion let us assume (it isn't an assumption, it's a fact) that you cannot tax your way out of a hole.  That leaves us with cutting spending.  Sooound Gooood?  Sound Good!

Now is where I get to have some fun with you lemmings.  First off, quit bitching about the people in Washington.  You assholes put 'em there and they are doing exactly what they told you they were going to do.  Yes even B'rock.  Shocking isn't it?  A socialist liberal told you he was a socialist liberal and now "a boo hoo hoo!" you are all surprised he's a socialist liberal.

Didn't vote for B-Dog?  Still, you are pissed at congress?  Well squash that shit too ya whiny bunch of sheep.  "They all suck and can't get a damn thing done!  Well, except for MY guy.  I'll keep sending that pricipled compromising asshole back up there time and time again because I met him at the Beacon one time."  Fuckin' idiots.  Makes about as much sense as bitching about getting bit by a snake when you were fucking with it and it was clearly a damn snake.  How do I handle it then?  I vote for someone else.  Duh!  This shit ain't hard.

So we all agree that the people in Washington suck ass and the solution is to put different folks there.  Step one of my political class complete.  And we also agree "they" are spending too much money (note the quotes, this will be important later).  So let us cut some spending.  Where do we start?  Well lets go around the room and ask.  The first person will say "Yes, lets cut spending across the board.  Except for education.  My wife is a teacher and you know, spending $10k+ per child has done so much good so far."

Then the second person will say "YES!  Cut spending.  Only not medicare.  Mom'r nem is on the dis'bility and they need that so don't cut that."

Then another will say "YES!  Cut spending.  Only not the defense budget.  My husband is in the Army and well, he needs his pay raise."

The point is that eeeeverybody is all eager and gung ho to cut shit as long as it doesn't affect them.  "Take away their shit but don't take away mine!"  Fuck you.  Pussy.  You don't want freedom.  You want other people to suffer while you prosper off of their hard work.  To hell with you and to hell with that.  Freedom doesn't just mean speech, guns and religion ass hole.  It also means the freedom to take the fuck care of yourself.  That means you are free to be as successful or as broke as YOU choose to be.  So when you make bad life choices and bad decisions, like spending your disposable income on iphones, ipads and icrack instead of health insurance for yourself and your family, you are free to reap the consequences of your actions without it affecting me.  Forced charity in the form of YOUR fucking favorite government program ain't charity ninja.  It's wallet rape and theft in order to secure your retarted vote by YOUR politician.

True freedom hasn't been felt in this country since before Lincoln chose to wipe his ass with our constitution back before the war of northern aggression.

True freedom means being able to enjoy the fruits of your hard work and dedication without having it taken away by politicians only to be given to those who haven't earned it.  Put the word "deserve" out of your vocabulary.  There is no such thing.  There is only what you earn.  True freedom also means being free to suffer the consequences of your actions.  Your problem.  You solve it.  You and yours are none of my damn business and I am none of yours.  Now should I, you or anyone else choose to help you out of our own free will then so be it.  Other wise I suggest you learn how to add and subtract and prioritize shit in your life.  Because the pace we are on is unsustainable.  YOUR nanny state is going to go away.  That is a fact.  Math dictates there is no other choice.  What will you do then?  How free do you really want to be?

Now FOALMA!

Pic of the week

Since the weather was enjoyable today, I figured why not a bikini pic......Enjoy! And GFY!

Meatface's 2012 Mayan Bucket/F#*kit List

Based on the number of followers we currently have, I'm inclined to alter my original opinion on those Mayan M-fers and concede that they were right. I mean damnit boy. Where is everyone? This is a quality semi-literate forum where enlightening bullshit abounds.

However, just in case any of you were worried those ancient apocalyptic assholes may have thrown a blind dart and hit bulls-eye (which they didn't if for no other reason than they sacrificed young, good-lookin', V-card totin', well-tanned, non-panty wearin' sexy South American señoritas on altars or volcanos. Any civilization, term used as loosely as an AC/DC groupie, that throws away perfectly good cooter in order for some fertility idol to bless them with a good harvest and babies can't be considered an authority on anything aside from dude rape. It's no secret as to what happens when you eliminate pristine mating options from society and men walk around with seamen loaded flesh guns i.e. prison. Sounds like the Mayans had a serious lack of hunting prowess because if it were left up to Meatface to choose between intercourse and lunch, he'd kill the f#%ktard proposing such a bullshit ultimatum and eat him medium-rare then pleasure his primal female)... Back on track... just to play devil's advocate and say the Mayans are right even though I know they're wrong cuz Jesus said it and He never said anything about getting rid of women, I've developed a Top 10 Mayan Bucket/F#*kit List for 2012 should the star-gazing hippies' poon deprived prophecy be accurate. In no particular order they are:

1. Get an American Flag tattooed on your body. Ladies go for the cleavage area so we no longer feel bad about starring with our hands over our hearts while our love hammer stands at attention.





2. Pop a zit on another human's body. All the pleasure, none of the pain.





3. Try anal. Everyone's sex life could use a spark. I'm not saying it's for everyone, but wouldn't you feel better about yourself at the end of the world knowing that question was answered? Disclaimer: I'm in no way endorsing dude sex. Strictly heterosexual reference. If you're a dude and you take one up the log cutter in 2012, about the only thing you have going for you is that you're life is over in a little less than 12 months.





4. Butt Funnel a beer. Penis in butthole=STD. Beer in butthole=BAC





5. Go to church. You don't want Jesus to think you're a modern day Mayan and punishing you by making you ignore the Disclaimer in number 3.





6. Dick punch Al Sharpton or Jesse Jackson. No explanation needed.





7. Find Sasquatch and tell him he has been declared the all-time, all-world champ of hide and seek.





8. Attempt suicide by Ribeye.





9. Buy a year's supply of bacon and bourbon. Then you can say you have a lifetime supply of both, and if your not into that then you need to get back in your hybrid or charge up your Nissan Leaf and no emissions your ass back to the crossroads of manhood and Justin Bieber and update your GPS because you're obviously lost.





10. Sign over all of your investments to Meatface. He's got a Top 10 Things to Buy list he needs some help with.

There you go. This should get you started. Worst case scenario is the world doesn't end and you've got a year's supply of bacon and bourbon and have likely had what I would consider a pretty jam up year. Unless of course you get the equation in number 4 wrong. In which case you may want to consult the Mayan calendar for when time travel is developed so you can go back to 2012 and tighten up your rectum and dignity.

Meatface out.

Random Thought of the Week

New Years Resolution Addendum...

Our good friends at Action Figure Therapy have been kind enough to post up Jungle Recon's super secret work out regimen.  Figured some of you fluffy people, or friends of fluffy people could use this to your advantage.  Be sure to book face, face fuck or whatthehellever these dudes.  They are hilarious and they are all about the military.  Two things that are important to the Bourbon Banter Crew.  And if you don't have a sense of humor or like our military then, as AFT Marine says, "GO FUCK YOURSELF!"

Be sure to check out the AFT link at the top of the page.  Rangers Lead the Way!  Now FOALMA!

You Say You Want A Resolution?

First off, fuck the Beatles. Hippie commie socialist bastards. Now that we have that out of the way, let's get started.

Konichiwa bitches!  Welcome to 2012 and the time of year where almost everyone makes a public delclaration to not suck at life anymore. At least people with no self esteem or self control do. Resolutions vary wide and far among this crowd of depressed and down trodden losers. But the fatties have to be the bulk of this population (Get it? "Bulk." I'm a funny fucker).

So for the last 6-8 weeks Fatty has been eatin' shit like the plane is going down and binging like a college co-ed in preperation for the new year and the "I'm finally going to get my fat ass in the gym and start eating right" announcement he/she is going to make.

And they mean it.

This time.

Seriously.

Quit laughing. They really are going to do it this year. Don't let the dust covered Nordic track in the shed fool you. Nor should you gauge their chances of success by the amount of clothes that are hanging on that treadmill. These great big mouth breathers are a dedicated lot and are here to do some fuckin' work this time. The last fourty or so years of shovin' bread and sugar down their gullets and then washing it down with 4 gallons of Co'h Colas a day should in no way sway your opinion. Track records and laws of averages do not apply here.

So what can you look forward to? Well if you own and operate any sort of business that is associated with health and fitness you can look forward to some extra bidne$$ in the next 6-8 weeks. Athletic clothing stores have been stocking up on yoga pants and "cross training" apparel in anticipation of this event. If you own a gym you can expect much of the same. And fuck this month to month or pay as you go bullshit. Sign these fucks up for the whole year at a time in one fell swoop. They aren't quitters you know. They are serious. This time. No, fuckin' really. They are. Quit laughing. Damn.

If you are a reg or OG at a gym here is what you can expect. Your routine and work out is going to be fucked up from now till March. Maybe April. Shit, okay, early February. This mostly means that all the elipticals in front of the fans and t.v.'s are going to be taken. But only fags and skinny/fat women use that shit anyway so no real biggie there. But there will be a few who do "hire a trainer" and get close to the spots where heavy shit is lifted. So expect to be pellted in the face by sweat infused with doughnut glaze for the next 3 months.

Hopefully some of these bread eaters will stick with it and actually change their lives for the better. Most won't. But for those that do and actually look like they want to make the effort, try to lend them a hand and help them along. Changing lives can be rewarding and you just may be able to do that for a few folks. For the others who will eventually have their asses back on the couch and their heads stuck in a bucket of Blue Belle? Well, just be patient. March aint that far away. Nor is February.