Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk your horn you'd better be in a UPS truck delivering a package, because you're sure as hell not picking anything up from my house.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will call my friends and we will remove them.....mid-evil style
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered cool for boys of your age to wear their pants so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. You and all of your friends are complete fucktards. Still, I want to be
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| Dumb ass |
Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate for you fuckstick......when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will fuckin' kill you.
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate for you fuckstick......when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will fuckin' kill you.
Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and there are only two words I need from you on this subject: early and safe.
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and there are only two words I need from you on this subject: early and safe.
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular lil' ass clown, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I willmake you cry. I'll fuckin' kill you.
I have no doubt you are a popular lil' ass clown, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget pr text her and ask her how long she will be. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting The Statue of Liberty with you tiny penis. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car and cut my grass?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws, hockey masks and demons are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance and 4.3 seconds to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, plenty of pipe-wielding, whiskey drankin', dieseled up friends and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
I will erase your existence from the earth.
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget pr text her and ask her how long she will be. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting The Statue of Liberty with you tiny penis. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car and cut my grass?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws, hockey masks and demons are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance and 4.3 seconds to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, plenty of pipe-wielding, whiskey drankin', dieseled up friends and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
I will erase your existence from the earth.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a prowler creeping around in my yard. When I get nervous, the voices in my head tell me to clean ALL my guns. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Answer any questions asked, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside or stand on the porch. The camouflaged face at the window is mine
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a prowler creeping around in my yard. When I get nervous, the voices in my head tell me to clean ALL my guns. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Answer any questions asked, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside or stand on the porch. The camouflaged face at the window is mine
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| GFY! |
Is she 18 yet?
ReplyDeleteHi-oooooooh!