You Say You Want A Resolution?

First off, fuck the Beatles. Hippie commie socialist bastards. Now that we have that out of the way, let's get started.

Konichiwa bitches!  Welcome to 2012 and the time of year where almost everyone makes a public delclaration to not suck at life anymore. At least people with no self esteem or self control do. Resolutions vary wide and far among this crowd of depressed and down trodden losers. But the fatties have to be the bulk of this population (Get it? "Bulk." I'm a funny fucker).

So for the last 6-8 weeks Fatty has been eatin' shit like the plane is going down and binging like a college co-ed in preperation for the new year and the "I'm finally going to get my fat ass in the gym and start eating right" announcement he/she is going to make.

And they mean it.

This time.

Seriously.

Quit laughing. They really are going to do it this year. Don't let the dust covered Nordic track in the shed fool you. Nor should you gauge their chances of success by the amount of clothes that are hanging on that treadmill. These great big mouth breathers are a dedicated lot and are here to do some fuckin' work this time. The last fourty or so years of shovin' bread and sugar down their gullets and then washing it down with 4 gallons of Co'h Colas a day should in no way sway your opinion. Track records and laws of averages do not apply here.

So what can you look forward to? Well if you own and operate any sort of business that is associated with health and fitness you can look forward to some extra bidne$$ in the next 6-8 weeks. Athletic clothing stores have been stocking up on yoga pants and "cross training" apparel in anticipation of this event. If you own a gym you can expect much of the same. And fuck this month to month or pay as you go bullshit. Sign these fucks up for the whole year at a time in one fell swoop. They aren't quitters you know. They are serious. This time. No, fuckin' really. They are. Quit laughing. Damn.

If you are a reg or OG at a gym here is what you can expect. Your routine and work out is going to be fucked up from now till March. Maybe April. Shit, okay, early February. This mostly means that all the elipticals in front of the fans and t.v.'s are going to be taken. But only fags and skinny/fat women use that shit anyway so no real biggie there. But there will be a few who do "hire a trainer" and get close to the spots where heavy shit is lifted. So expect to be pellted in the face by sweat infused with doughnut glaze for the next 3 months.

Hopefully some of these bread eaters will stick with it and actually change their lives for the better. Most won't. But for those that do and actually look like they want to make the effort, try to lend them a hand and help them along. Changing lives can be rewarding and you just may be able to do that for a few folks. For the others who will eventually have their asses back on the couch and their heads stuck in a bucket of Blue Belle? Well, just be patient. March aint that far away. Nor is February.