Meatface's 2012 Mayan Bucket/F#*kit List

Based on the number of followers we currently have, I'm inclined to alter my original opinion on those Mayan M-fers and concede that they were right. I mean damnit boy. Where is everyone? This is a quality semi-literate forum where enlightening bullshit abounds.

However, just in case any of you were worried those ancient apocalyptic assholes may have thrown a blind dart and hit bulls-eye (which they didn't if for no other reason than they sacrificed young, good-lookin', V-card totin', well-tanned, non-panty wearin' sexy South American señoritas on altars or volcanos. Any civilization, term used as loosely as an AC/DC groupie, that throws away perfectly good cooter in order for some fertility idol to bless them with a good harvest and babies can't be considered an authority on anything aside from dude rape. It's no secret as to what happens when you eliminate pristine mating options from society and men walk around with seamen loaded flesh guns i.e. prison. Sounds like the Mayans had a serious lack of hunting prowess because if it were left up to Meatface to choose between intercourse and lunch, he'd kill the f#%ktard proposing such a bullshit ultimatum and eat him medium-rare then pleasure his primal female)... Back on track... just to play devil's advocate and say the Mayans are right even though I know they're wrong cuz Jesus said it and He never said anything about getting rid of women, I've developed a Top 10 Mayan Bucket/F#*kit List for 2012 should the star-gazing hippies' poon deprived prophecy be accurate. In no particular order they are:

1. Get an American Flag tattooed on your body. Ladies go for the cleavage area so we no longer feel bad about starring with our hands over our hearts while our love hammer stands at attention.





2. Pop a zit on another human's body. All the pleasure, none of the pain.





3. Try anal. Everyone's sex life could use a spark. I'm not saying it's for everyone, but wouldn't you feel better about yourself at the end of the world knowing that question was answered? Disclaimer: I'm in no way endorsing dude sex. Strictly heterosexual reference. If you're a dude and you take one up the log cutter in 2012, about the only thing you have going for you is that you're life is over in a little less than 12 months.





4. Butt Funnel a beer. Penis in butthole=STD. Beer in butthole=BAC





5. Go to church. You don't want Jesus to think you're a modern day Mayan and punishing you by making you ignore the Disclaimer in number 3.





6. Dick punch Al Sharpton or Jesse Jackson. No explanation needed.





7. Find Sasquatch and tell him he has been declared the all-time, all-world champ of hide and seek.





8. Attempt suicide by Ribeye.





9. Buy a year's supply of bacon and bourbon. Then you can say you have a lifetime supply of both, and if your not into that then you need to get back in your hybrid or charge up your Nissan Leaf and no emissions your ass back to the crossroads of manhood and Justin Bieber and update your GPS because you're obviously lost.





10. Sign over all of your investments to Meatface. He's got a Top 10 Things to Buy list he needs some help with.

There you go. This should get you started. Worst case scenario is the world doesn't end and you've got a year's supply of bacon and bourbon and have likely had what I would consider a pretty jam up year. Unless of course you get the equation in number 4 wrong. In which case you may want to consult the Mayan calendar for when time travel is developed so you can go back to 2012 and tighten up your rectum and dignity.

Meatface out.